


black hole

by InvadingThoughts



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Depression, M/M, Mentioned suicide, Minicat - Freeform, Passing Out, This is pretty heavy, Thoughts of Suicide, Unhappy Ending, death mention, poor tyler, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-25
Updated: 2015-11-25
Packaged: 2018-05-03 09:05:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5284871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvadingThoughts/pseuds/InvadingThoughts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler squeezed his eyes shut tightly, holding his breath for as long as he could in an attempt to pass out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	black hole

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty heavy. I wasn’t feeling good tonight, needed a distraction and Tyler was able to somewhat help me. Poor Tyler…  
> I do encourage you to take note of the bold letters at the start of each sentence, they’re there for a reason.
> 
> Pairing: Minicat
> 
> Warnings: Depression, thoughts of suicide, death mention & self hate.

**T** yler squeezed his eyes shut tightly, holding his breath for as long as he could in an attempt to pass out.

 **Y** elling and screaming didn't do much anymore, it didn't make him feel any better... or any worse- so this was all he had left.

 **L** ater he'd feel guilty about it, but right now he didn't give a fuck.

 **E** verything was pushing down on him, to the point where Tyler was almost suffocating and nobody else seemed to notice.

 **R** ather, nobody else seemed to  _care_.

 

 **J** _ust a few more minutes,_  he told himself, just a few more moments and then he could just fall into the darkness _._

 **U** nfortunately, the darkness didn't mean death- rather, it just let Wildcat sink into something of a black hole.

 **S** omething cold, lonely and empty that he hated waking up from.

 **T** yler was actually just growing sick of waking up  _in general_ , since lately he couldn't even be bothered climbing out of bed each day to then have to  _act_  like everything was normal.

 

 **W** anting to disappear was starting to feel selfish, almost like he didn't deserve an ending to something that was so 'trivial'.

 **A** nd so instead he just practised, just let his mind rest in that black hole without any permanent  consequences and then ignored everything while he was awake.

 **N** obody called him out on it... not Evan, or Nogla... or even Mini.

 **T** o them, he was fine and that's how Tyler needed it to stay, because the ground beneath him was barely stable and the slightest amount of change would send him tumbling.

 **E** verything he'd built was temporary and yet it was what held all of his pieces together.

 **D** idn't matter that those pieces were sharp and cut anyone that got too close to him.

 

**E** ver since Craig had left, Tyler realised that he wasn't someone who deserved good things- or even just a happy ending.

**V** owing to stay friends made things worse, because whenever he looked at his best friend his mind just reminded him about all the things he missed.

 **E** very laugh, every touch, all of the late nights they spent together in each others arms, the way Mini would kiss Tyler's jaw to get his attention and most of all that feeling he got.

 **R** ight at the moment whenever he used to see Craig, it was always that rush of elation- the knowledge that someone actually  _cared_ whether Tyler was alive... or dead.

 **Y** et lately, whenever Tyler caught Mini's eyes or talked to him on Skype that feeling is replaced with something that's entirely different.

 **T** he overwhelming feeling of emptiness.

 **H** e's smart enough to know that it's because Craig's moved on and he hasn't.

 **I** n the end it all adds up, but Tyler's stopped paying attention to the reasons  _why_ he feels like this.

 **N** ow, he just sits there at night, counting down the seconds until the black hole swallows him whole and gives him a break from how much of a pain breathing has become.

 **G** asping into the darkness, hating himself for pushing away the only thing that was good in his life.

 

 **T** omorrow they've planned to Skype each other, so that they can record footage for their videos.

 **O** nly, that footage is just going to sit in Tyler's computer, left untouched because it's been months since his last upload and he has no motivation to fix it.

 

 **E** very second that passed reminded Tyler that sooner or later, falling into the black hole temporarily- wouldn't satisfy him forever.

 **N** othing in his life was permanent, he'd made sure of that, but there were times where he needed something that would stay- something that was different from Craig.

 **D** eath might just be what he was looking for.

**.**


End file.
